“Grief is undeniably difficult but is it always overwhelming?”
Moving Beyond Isolation to Living & Flourishing Once More
Consider this: Bonanno’s research indicates that 58% of widowed participants displayed a Resilience reaction to spousal death, although these individuals were “exposed to a potentially highly disruptive event, such as the death of a close relation or a violent or life -threatening situation” unpredictably, they were actually enabled to “maintain relatively stable, healthy levels of psychological and physical functioning as well as the capacity for generative experiences and positive emotions” With this realization, one notes that even though, Resilience is a form of resourcefulness that becomes manifest in times of dramatic change such as spousal death, alongside this trauma, other parts of our emotional intelligence become manifest also.
As illustrated in my work, our emotional intelligence flooded with intense feelings at first, gradually shifts through myriad emotions to move beyond what many bereaved individuals call “being on autopilot” towards a practical form of coping. This coping is lead and shaped by our intellectual need to not only survive but in time flourish. So, I give you this closing thought- My initial emotive response is:
“Yes – without a doubt grief is overwhelming!” Then I pause, reflect and I realize wait- I am here, I am feeling, I am thinking, even connecting… and I no longer feel so sure if Grief ‘governs over’ all my responses – after all that is what the word ‘overwhelming’ implies. So now I reconsider the quote anew:
“We imagine Grief as a relentless shadow that can lock onto us and follow us everywhere. Grief, as we imagine it turns light into dark, and stills the joy out of everything it touches. It is overwhelming and unremitting. Grief is undeniably difficult but is it always overwhelming?” (Bonanno, 2010, p. 2)
Thewidowedword: 